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Thursday, December 18, 2008

My Sister the Jokester

As most of you know....I am in the midst of a life change. My sister, being always the kind-hearted person, gave me some advice!! Enjoy!

WHEN RETIRED HUSBANDS GET BORED SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like
most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received
the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts
when they weren't looking.

2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals

3. July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
"Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14:
Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers
he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department.

8. August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.

10. September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk
where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look"
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled
"PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least...

15. October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

12 comments:

Kellan said...

This was HYSTERICAL! I just loved it!!

Thanks for the laughs - see you soon - Kellan

Tammy W said...

I LOVED IT!!!! But my 15 year old wants to DO the list! Geesh

best online casinos said...

hahaha! This is really hilarious!

Brenda said...

I've read of this guy's antics before. It's still funny every time I read them!

Katya said...

I laughed so hard, I thought I was gonna CRY! This is just too funny!

Bar-b said...

LOL...this is great, I think I thought of a lot of these things as a teen.

Karen said...

The tomato juice had me laughing out loud! You are so in for it when your husband retires...

Joanna said...

Hee hee! This one cracks me up every time.

Caroline said...

My friends just emailed this to me the other day...so funny!

Barbara Swafford said...

This is great! I was laughing all the way through it. Ironically I could see my husband doing some of that stuff.

Thanks for the laughs!

lisaschaos said...

I have seen the joy created by husband retiring and it does change everyone's lives, however I don't think it will be too different by the time my guy's turn comes as he has weird schedule anyway and we spend tons of time together already.

ms cute pants said...

OMG Those are hilarious. Thanks! I am stealing it.