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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

So, If You Were Me...

How would you feel if your husband's adult children invited their mother....his ex on vacation ... all of us... for one week? We are staying in separate cabins. Probably should mention...she never remarried and does not have a companion. I'd appreciate your input. Thanks.

13 comments:

12ontheinside said...

I would be rather unhappy. I have no idea how to delicately discuss it without someone getting their back up though! Good luck!

WT said...

I would divorce the children.

faye said...

That sounds like a horrible situation. And insensitive of
the children to set it up...
No way I could go on vacation with
someone I couldn't be comfortable
around.

Katya said...

Oh Jeanne! I cannot even imagine such a situation. What was the planner/planners thinking?

I guess if my husband thought there was nothing wrong with it, I would go along, but think of a million things to do on our OWN!

A strange and awkward arrangement...

TechnoBabe said...

How does your husband feel about this vacation situation? Is this something you cannot get out of gracefully and just the two of you have a vacation? Of course you know that if you end up going with the group you will have to be joining in and not act like you are the outsider. Maybe their mother feels like an outsider and they are just trying to make her feel wanted. This is really a tough one. Not a deal breaker between you and hubby, but you and he have to be united on this one for sure.

silvieon4 said...

If they wanted to go on vacation with their mother, they should have arranged it. This shows a stunning lack of sense on their part. The real question is how does your husband deal with this? If I were the ex, I would have declined my kid's invitation. I would not want to be around my ex and his new wife, unless it was an opportunity to torture them both. [I do have some Sicilian blood in me]. The bottom line is... is anyone uncomfortable with this arrangement? If the answer is yes, than this is NO VACATION and different plans need to be made.

Honeygo Beasley said...

Not being you, and hearing this from my perspective, my initial reaction is that the children feel sorry for their lonely mom. BUT there are other ways to have fun with their lonely mom - why not visit her more often or go on another vacation with them? I think the adult children wanted to kill two birds with one stone - do something fun with their lonely mother and go on a fun vacation, too, rather than spend extra time and money on a second vacation with the mom. The problem is this may not be a very fun time at all if there's tension between you, your hubby, the adult children and the lonely mom. EVEN IF you buck up and be the bigger person and act all sweetness and light, that is pretend to be OK with everything, the others probably won't be "feeling it" authentically and it just is destined to be tense. Ugh. Either chalk it up to a live and learn situation and make the best of it AND remember to have a talk after the vacation with the adult children that these things need to be agreed upon in advance with ALL parties - or don't go. Pretend you've fallen ill and can't make it. Better to stay home in peace than go in ill spirits.

Karen said...

I've had that happen. I actually had to go on vacation with my husband's ex-wife a couple years ago when my stepson graduated from college. It was not fun, particularly since my mere presence tends to push the ex's buttons. But, for the sake of my stepson and husband, I rose above it all and went along (but not without making some catty snide comments to my husband whenever we were alone...).

Hopefully your husband's ex isn't a raving lunatic like my husband's ex....

Donna said...

Here it is plain and simple...Ready? If She can get him, she can get him the Same way You got him...broke.
What does Hubby say??hughugs

Pamela said...

Is it possibly she isn't any happier than you about this? She could be blogging about her inconsiderate kids as we speak.

Then again...

Not knowing the whole situation my advice is probably way out of wack - but I would say
Go and be the better person and make sure everyone has a lovely time.

Relyn said...

I guess that all depends on how your husband feels about it. Shame on his kids for not running it by you all first. Whatever you decide, you won't win anything by being mean or catty. He is married to you now. He loves you. But, he will always be their parents. So will the ex. Stinks, but there it is. Be kind, play nice. Stay home if you can't.

lisaschaos said...

I would feel pretty uncomfortable with the arrangement. Can't they spend time with her at a different time?

CrystalChick said...

WHAT??? Well how do you feel about this?? And how does your hubby feel about it? If the kids were in charge of setting up the vaca they should have probably discussed the specifics beforehand a little more. If they invited her after you already set things up letting you think it was just you, hubs and his kids, that is wrong.
Guess it depends on a lot of things. Do you and she see each other occasionally? If so, how do you get along?

Wow.

Well, I guess if it's a done deal then you should do your best to make it work out for everyone. Being the bigger person is sometimes the best way. I would probably just let the kids spend time with her and you and hubs go off alot together if possible.

Good luck. When are you going?